Tuesday, February 08, 2005

When Will Jesus Bring the Porkchops?

Or...better yet...when will Carlin be funny?

Over all, this book was tough to read. Carlin is funny in person, on CD, on video, on HBO specials, etc. The reason? His humor is not just what he says, but more importantly how he says it. Therefore, I can't recommend reading this book, but I can't say it's not worth reading either. You just have to keep Carlin's presentation in mind while doing so. I don't have anything else to say about it, so I'll present what I liked the best:
A Sore Point (p. 88)
Regarding the criticism of Al Gore's actions upon being elected president in 2000 and realizing that the Bush family would do everything in its power to reverse the results illegally: I recall at the time hearing some of the usual morons in this country refer to President-elect Gore as a sore loser because he sought legal redress in the courts.
Sore loser? You bet your fuckin' ass! What on earth is wrong with being a sore loser? It shows you cared about whate3ver the contest was in the first place. Fuck losing graciously - that's for chumps. And losers, by the way.
Americans have just flat-out lost their spirit; you see it everywhere. Have you ever watched these hockey assholes? When the game is over, they're forced to line up and shake hands with one another after speding three hours smashing each other in the mouth with sticks. Biggest load of shit I ever witnessed. Whatever happened to "In victory, magnanimity; in defeat, defiance." So said Frederick the Great.

(p. 158)
If you vote once, you're considered a good citizen. If you vote twice, you face four years in jail.
In this country, alcohol is hardly ever seen as a drug problem. Instead, we think of it as more of a driving problem.

Cowards (p. 179-80)
Bush calls the al Qaeda people cowards, and says, "They like to hide." Well, isn't that what the American Continental Army did during the American Revolution? Our beloved patriots? They hid. They hid behind trees. Then they came out, killed some British soldiers, and ran away. Just like al Qaeda. That's what you do when you're outnumbered and have less firepower than the emeny. It's called "trying to win." It's not cowardly.
Bill Maher may have stretched the point a bit when he said that air force pilots who release their bombs from hundreds of miles away are cowards; flying combat jets doesn't attract many cowards. But it's not nearly as courageous an act as deliberately strapping a bomb to your chest and heading for the disco with no intention of dancing.
I will say this. Getting out of the Vietnam war through Daddy's connections and then not living up to your end of the bargain is probably a form of cowardice.

Making a Difference (p. 184)
Another sports-announcer crime is the use of the word differential when they mean difference. "There was a twelve-point differential at halftime." No. Sorry. There was a twelve-point difference. Differential is a mechanical or mathematical term. And by mathematical I don't mean Knicks 55, Pacers 43. Difference and differential are different. Go Knicks!